Can You Help Others to Understand a Different Perspective? Seven Steps for...
Being in the business of leadership development, I frequently encounter individuals who believe that they know everything about a topic. This assumption of “I’m right, and you’re wrong,” has such a...
View ArticleFear of Failure? 10 Tips to Insure Your Success
At the beginning of a new year, we often begin new projects and set goals for ourselves. Many times our attempts at improvement are not as successful or don’t deliver the results that we expected....
View ArticleHow Easily Do You Take Offense? Seven Strategies for Maintaining Your Cool
Jane was sitting in an online meeting where current deadlines were being discussed among team members. At the close of the meeting, Jane’s manager asked if anyone had any other concerns that needed to...
View ArticleWhat Are the Rules of Conversational Engagement? 10 Rules for Improving the...
Not long ago, I was watching the movie, Hunter Killer, starring Gerard Butler. It is the story of a submarine commander who is tasked with rescuing the Russian president who has been taken captive by a...
View ArticleHave You Learned Your Lessons? 11 Communication Tips for Improving Your...
I once worked with a company during a change initiative when a company’s business was not going particularly well. The CEO called a meeting of his upper management to discuss how things weren’t going...
View ArticleLeaders, How Do You Begin Your Conversations? Nine Phrases NOT to Use
I really believe that what begins well ends well. It is important to begin a conversation in such a way that allows the other person to hear and think about your message. Recently, I sat and observed...
View ArticleDo You Follow the Facts? Three Tips for Strengthening Your Conversations
Recently I was discussing with a friend the importance of facts or evidence in conversation. My friend told me the following story about a wayward son. It seems that his son was staying out all hours...
View ArticleHow Well Do You Do Empathy? The Secret to Understanding and Connecting with...
This summer my son, Matthew, and some of his mountain-biking friends decided to ride their bikes down a fairly steep hill. Matt, on a dare, decided to go first. As he sped down the hill, he hit a...
View ArticleEmotional Intelligence Begins with Self-awareness
A huge factor in improving your emotional intelligence is your personal awareness and understanding of how your behavior impacts others. Sometimes our reactions to others seem involuntary and beyond...
View ArticleDo Leaders Sabotage Accountability?
Q: I have recently attended a number of webinars and a workshop on accountability. Some of the training touched on the importance of holding clear and concise “accountability conversations” to ensure...
View ArticleCan You Debunk the "93/7" Rule?
Q: I was reading some content on your website and noticed that you mentioned that words make up only about 7% of a conversation. I hope you aren’t devaluing the value of language or words. Are you...
View ArticleDoes Your Nonverbal Behavior Box You In? 12 Tips for Improving Your Body...
I had just finished speaking at an event and a number of people came up to the stage to talk and to ask questions that they didn’t want to ask in front of the entire group. After a few moments I was...
View ArticleAre You Engaging in “Fake Focus?"
During the last several months, we have heard a lot about “fake” news or “fake” media. The frequent use of these terms made me think of the term “fake focus” and how it can cause problems in our...
View Article10 Ways to Communicate with Millennials
On a recent flight, my seatmate and I began to talk about communication and conversation strategies for dealing with difficult people. Then out of the blue, my neighbor announced: “Boy, these...
View Article12 Tips for Improving Emotional Control
Recently my college-age son hit a large piece of asphalt while driving our 1997 Toyota Avalon down a country road at night. The impact against the undercarriage caused the airbags to deploy and...
View ArticleWhat Roles Do the Most Successful Leaders Play? Six Roles Every Leader Should...
I recently had the opportunity to meet with a group of consultant friends. Our conversation turned into a debate about which essential roles leaders play. During our discussion, what became obvious was...
View ArticleCan Managing Your Expectations Improve Your Emotional Intelligence? 12...
Did you know that one of the biggest reasons people are unhappy in any given situation is their unmet expectations? How do our expectations contribute to our emotional responses? Our expectations are...
View Article11 Pitfalls to Avoid in Difficult Conversations
Recently, I was asked to observe a Home Owners Association board meeting and to provide feedback about what the board members could do to have more effective meetings. From the outset, it was obvious...
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Managing Your Boss's Negativity
Q: My manager is so negative and defensive that I am afraid if I shared, “I did what you asked me to do,” I would create more defensiveness that would result in increased conflict. What can I do to...
View ArticleEight Questions to Assess the Quality of Your Leadership
A few years ago our family had the opportunity to run the Salmon River in Idaho for a family vacation. My oldest son has been running the river as a guide this summer; consequently, we were invited...
View Article10 Behavioral Cues to Help You Separate Fact from Fiction
Years ago when I worked as an attorney, I remember someone telling me that it was easy to spot when someone was lying. All you had to do was notice whether they would look at you or not. I remember...
View Article10 Tips When Onboarding to a New Leadership Position
I was recently visiting with a potential client, and at the close of our conversation, I asked her if there was something I could do to help her. She indicated that there were so many new leaders...
View ArticleWhen You Are Attacked, Why Do You Attack Back?Six Questions for Uncovering...
I was recently teaching a class on emotional intelligence when a participant proclaimed, “If you could just help me understand why I attack others when they attack me, this class would be worthwhile.”...
View Article10 Tips to Help You Get More of What You Want and Less of What You Don’t
Recently I was sitting with a group of leaders who were discussing how difficult it can be to talk about what matters most, particularly when others don’t share your view. One woman who had been quiet...
View Article10 Statements Not to Make to Millennials
I recently had the opportunity to attend a team meeting where the manager was giving feedback to his team of 30 millennials who worked for him in a local catering business. I remember some of my...
View Article5 Mindsets that Contribute to Poor Results
Whether you are a new leader or manager who is starting a new business, your mindset and those of your people are integral to the success of your endeavors. Why? Because your mindset influences your...
View Article10 Tips on How to Have a Difficult Conversation
When I conducted research for my book, Overcoming Fake Talk, I was interested to discover why so many people were afraid to talk about certain topics -- what I call undiscussables. Undiscussables...
View ArticleTo Be an Effective Leader, Sometimes You Need to Give Yourself a Time Out
I had just finished a difficult meeting with our legal team about an infringement on our company’s copyrights. I came into my next meeting without signaling to my team what I was feeling in the...
View ArticleLove or Gratitude? 9 Questions to Increase Your Gratitude
Last week my daughter came to me and asked, “Daddy, which is greater, love or gratitude?” I was initially shocked at the depth of her question. After thinking for a moment, I responded with, “Well I...
View ArticleAre You Undermining Your Leadership Credibility?
I have had the opportunity to coach a number of different leaders. Sometimes I am asked to observe how a leader interacts with their team members and then provide the leader with feedback about the...
View ArticleEngage More to Increase Employee Performance
On a recent cross-country flight, I was working on a piece about employee engagement. The gentleman seated next to me was curious about what I was working on and struck up a conversation. I told him...
View Article12 Tips for Supercharging Your Leadership Credibility
Some of the best leaders that I ever had were not my direct managers. One such individual was an Executive VP and Chief Legal counsel at the first company I worked for. Because I was single at the...
View ArticleAre You Avoiding the Pain of Feedback?
I was working in my home office when I heard my young daughter scream. I rushed upstairs to find her on the floor holding her foot in the air. Protruding from her foot was a sewing needle. Evidently,...
View ArticleWhat a Health Scare Can Teach You about EQ and Social Awareness
This past year, I have had two skin cancers surgically removed from my forehead — too much Grand Canyon sun in the summer. As a follow-up treatment, my dermatologist prescribed a chemotherapy cream to...
View ArticleHave You Ever Eaten a Bicycle?
When I was in college, I had a roommate who was determined to get into The Guinness Book of World Records for eating a bicycle. Every night when we returned from studying in the library, we would all...
View Article12 Things a Leader Should Never Do
Last fall I had a person reach out to me who was in charge of a huge change initiative in his company. He asked if I would identify a number of behaviors that leaders should avoid at all costs. I...
View ArticleCan I Trust You? 10 Behaviors that Erode Trust
When I worked in corporate America as an employee, I had a manager who while he was a great person, was just not very deliberate in his approach to dealing with people. I remember a time when he had...
View ArticleWho Are the Difficult People and What Can You Do About Them?
When I speak at events, it is not uncommon for people to approach me and tell me about a difficult person with whom they interact. After telling me their experiences, they will ask me, “What should I...
View ArticleWhat to Do When People Don’t Speak Up
Workplace communication can be difficult sometimes, but people who don’t speak up can leave others with an incomplete view. Jane, a city manager, called me out of the blue to ask for some help. After...
View ArticleHave You Forgotten How to Connect with People? 10 Tips for Establishing...
Angie had been looking to create a foursome for a golf tournament that her company was holding. She had been having difficulty recruiting the final two participants needed to compete in the company...
View ArticleHave You Forgotten How to Connect with People?
Angie had been looking to create a foursome for a golf tournament that her company was holding. She had been having difficulty recruiting the final two participants needed to compete in the company...
View ArticleAre You Actively Retaining and Attracting New Talent During the Great...
Some contend that the lack of employable individuals is not real. And yet, the results from the pandemic have given rise to a huge shift in the way people desire to be gainfully employed. During the...
View ArticleHow Can You Create a Culture of Candor?
One of the biggest challenges that any leader faces is to ensure that employees feel comfortable speaking up when they have difficult issues to discuss Although such topics that are difficult to talk...
View ArticleHow Does Your Fear Hold You Back?
I love and hate this picture of a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon. What do I love about it? The photographer captured the exact moment that a lateral wave hit the raft at just the right angle...
View ArticleSix Character Traits to Increase Authenticity
Patty, as the office manager, was tasked with giving feedback to those that were performing poorly. Amber, who had started missing deadlines, been on the phone a lot, and had been coming in late for...
View Article14 Tips for Improving Feedback
A few weeks ago, I was watching a college basketball game. At half time, I found myself looking through a variety of articles that popped up on my phone. An article on feedback caught my eye. As I...
View ArticleIs it Time to Elevate Your Emotional Intelligence?
Dealing with people’s negative emotional reactions can be a challenge. My first job in corporate America was in a human resources department. We received a call from a hotel in a major city, asking...
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What Keeps You from Holding Difficult Conversations?
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. The way our brain processes and perceives incoming information can be a major obstacle. There are three distinct parts of our brain that play a big role in every...
View ArticleDifficult Conversations: What to Know Before You Go 9 Tips to Improve...
I recently spoke at a large company. Afterwards, two executives asked if I would be willing to coach them in dealing with one of their team members. I agreed. After visiting about the situation, I...
View ArticleA Thanksgiving Surprise
Have you ever made something out of nothing? That’s what we did, and it was amazing. Years ago, about this time, I was completing a six-month experiential training class. On the Saturday before...
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